Monday, November 16, 2009
You don't know me.
Hi, you don't know me, but then again, you're not supposed to. This is what I said, my first meeting, the first time I breathed, the first time people actually looked and listened. Did they care? I had no way of knowing, but they weren't throwing things at me. They all looked, wide eyed in which I assumed was fake enthusiasm. So, was my next word, so I'm in an odd position you all claim to have the same problems as one and other, claim to understand, but do you? They all stared confused. Lets begin, at the beginning. It hit, like a tornado, but you wouldn't understand, but then again you're not supposed to. I stood above him, in a rage, him cowering below me, as if he was afraid. I meant to be calming, as it turns out, I'm not calming, but then again I'm not supposed to be. I don't remember what I said, or what I implied, he told me after the fact, but I forgot it, age does that to you. This isn't the beginning. I lied. I'll do that. The beginning, the very beginning, begins in a room. A black room. A basement, or a a bed room, or hell it could have been a bathroom. I don't remember, but then again I'm not supposed to. We planned. For ages it seemed. Putting all of the fine details together, making sure the brutal little idea went off without a hitch. We all had an idea, but His ruled over all. His was the idea that all other ideas wanted to be. We went with His. I still don't understand why though. I din't think His idea was all that great, but then again I wasn't supposed to. I think I say that too much, what do you think? Sorry, I'll continue. I was alone in this group. Brought in as an outsider, they looked surprised, I wasn't. Surprised I mean. I was pretty sure I would be looked at different, I was different. Every time they talked to me I felt lied to. I don't know why, They all seemed so trustworthy. They made it easy. Anyway we all thought that this would make us rich. Rich and famous. It worked for others. Nothing ever worked for me. We all thought about the Casualties we could afford. I think my name came up, I don't remember, age will do that do you. It must of come up or else I wouldn't be here. Anyway, we all had ideas but we went with... wait I've said that before. Sorry I--. Sorry. Anyway we all slept like babies that day, by which I mean we woke up every hour crying to ourselves. I din't sleep. I don't sleep. I'll never sleep. I wanted to but then again I'm not supposed to. Anyway. We woke up at ten. It was cold, colder then it should be. We got dressed, we moved out in a big cube van. A BIG cube van. Jimmy, You knew Jimmy, I think you knew Jimmy. Anyway Jimmy couldn't take it. We pulled over to a 7-11 so he could use the bathroom, to vomit we assumed. He took far too long. I drew the short straw and went in to see him. We were all afraid of the camera seeing us so nobody wanted to go in. Anyway... I think I say that to much, it's like a crutch because I don't know any other word to transition to a different topic. Anyway, I knocked on the door to see if he was still coherent. I pushed open the door and made footprints in the blood. Needless to say Jimmy couldn't take it. But then again, he wan't supposed to. Anyway, I got back to the van and explained the circumstances, If everyone wan't on edge before, they we're now, this was Jimmy's idea. Anyway we drove to our destination. A big mansion. Well you knew that you live there--here. Anyway we made our way in, We all got into positions, We all waited for the signal. Which was Jimmy's job. When we remembered this, the burden was placed upon my flabby shoulders. Anyway I gave the signal and we all did our jobs. Cracked vaults and safes. Stole Priceless artifacts from every room. Stole anything from cash money to your false teeth. You probably want those back. Uh, here. Anyway we were about to make our way out to the courtyard when someone tripped an alarm. In an instant bullets were flying and people were dropping. I ducked behind something I thought could withstand Gunfire. I knew it I was the only one left. You picked me up, and now I'm here. Could you maybe just forget if you can't forgive? No huh? I thought It was a good idea at the time. I needed the money. You know how it is right? No huh? I thought I could get out of here alive, but then again, I wasn't supposed to. Fire when ready.